Dave’s Top Five Codependent Song List

I am aware that I have caretaking tendencies. In fact, I make my living helping people all day, every day. I am a father who will do anything for my family. I am a front-line advocate for friends who need an open ear or soft shoulder to lean on. I care out of choice, within my power, because I am available to give. I am not codependent.

At least that is what I thought.

For years I had categorized codependency as a diagnostic issue. A bad thing. Something people struggle with who aren’t fully content with the self. What I have discovered is that codependency is to caretaking like fat is to bacon. You almost can’t have one without the other, and who doesn’t love bacon even though we know it can kill us?

As I practiced my guitar one evening, I realized all the songs I was learning had a similar feel. They were hollow, soulful, gut wrenching anthems. They held the minor key sadness often heard in a cathedral. Think Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, Simon and Garfunkel’s’ Bookends, Dylan’s Forever Young, and the longing folk tale of the Wayfaring Stranger.

Let's acknowledge that LOVE is the most common theme for a songwriter. Any writer wants to create a good story. They have filled your playlists with tales that either celebrate love or grieve it. More complex, songs often shift between the light and dark side of love. Lyrics move into codependent territory when they paint an image of love's obsession and the sacrifice of oneself to someone else's needs.

Codependency sits on a continuum. We all have levels of how and why we care for others. The grey area that divides caretakers from codependents rests on how well we attend to ourselves throughout the care process. A codependent often unknowingly obsesses in an effort to help another person while neglecting their own needs. This is a complex process and one that author Melody Beattie spent three chapters to define in her bestselling book, Codependent No More.

So, as I sat strumming my guitar to work on a Willie tune, it hit me like the melancholy of a hard summer rain, caretaking and codependency run through my blood. It is hidden in the messages of the music I listen to and play.

After exploring the catalog of songs I have been working on, I wanted to share the top five that carry the codependent theme. Included are the relatable lines to highlight the connections.

Let's Jam!

1) All Of Me | Willie Nelson

"...All of me, why not take all of me

Can't you see that I'm no good without you

Take my arms I want to lose them

Take my lips I'll never use them

Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry

And I know that I'm no good without you

You took the part that once was my heart

So why not take all of me..."